Have you ever been
there? In a way, it Is unrequited love. Nearly everyone I know understands that
I am a craftsy person. I make. I cook, crochet, spin, knit, weave, cook, bake,
keep bees and, at one time, owned a soap making business. They all know me.
My first Christmas
making homemade gifts was the first with my husband. I made soap, enough for
every member of his extensive family at their party. The day after the part, my
Mother In Law calls me and asks, “What do I put on the burns?”
I said, “What burns”
“You know, this is lye
soap, isn’t it? what do I put on the burns from the lye?”
Oh, dear. “Minerva,” I
very calmly said, “Do you HONESTLY believe that I would give you a Christmas
gift that would injure you?” (Not that I wasn’t seriously considering it at the
time)
“Oh” and she never used
or spoke of the soap in her house again. When I visited, It would be
prominently displayed in the bathroom but obviously had never been used,
sitting right next to the ‘proper’ D*** Soap.
There are lots of ways
to show love and everyone does it in a different way. For me, it is in my
crafting. It is not about the THING in
the box but the TIME it took to MAKE that thing.
Folks who have been
subjected to spending the Holidays at my place just moved, en masse (Ok my
husband had to go to the living room and stay there for weeks while I worked).
This year it was marshmallows.
MARSHMALLOWS? For a
Holiday gift? Well, it is what I’m making at the moment and it is a good way to
offer something nice (We’re not even in the same SPECIES as Stay Puft, here)
and offer it with some pride. They also offer the possibilities of various
flavor profiles.
But, back to love.
Though I can, generally, go to the store and buy something, those always felt
sad to me. The bargain hunting (cause your kids aren’t WORTH full price) The
Free Shipping (because actually taking ownership of the item and wrapping are
too much work. Even online shopping (because I can’t be bothered to haul my
lazy backside off the sofa) and said shipping can be sent directly to the
recipient (cause I can’t be bothered with taking possession, wrap it, write an
address and ship), or an electronic gift certificate (because I not only can’t
be bothered to actually DO anything but I know NOTHING about your likes or
dislikes so I’ll just have the company send you and e-mail and you can do the
work.)
Shopping has become so
VERY impersonal as has gift giving and even sending Christmas Cards.
So, I roll up my sleeves
and go to work. I handwrite my cards. I avoid malls AT ALL COSTS! I cook, I
bake, I whip! And when is all done, there are tins of goodies, for friends,
including those out of town. There are trays of Marshmallows for the several
offices of docs who have cared for us for many years.
Of Course, Christmas IS
a special occasion. Every day can be a way to say “I love you” without
speaking. For me, it always originates in the kitchen. If I love you, I will
spend all day cooking and you may not have the Ambience of a palace, but you’ll
eat like royalty. When I cook for you,
You can either just look at the clock and assume it’s time for dinner or you
can understand that every moment on my feet, every drop of perspiration is part
of that love.
My husband has similar
ideals. He makes sure my cars have brake and oil changes. He mows the grass and does other around the
house items. As I type this, he is in the yard, finishing the woodwork on my
bee hives.
In the end, for most
people, being loved and being in love is not about sex, it isn’t about tight
pants and push up bras. It isn’t anything except the desire to create something
for their beloved just because you love them.
I COULD go out and buy a
Big Mouth Billy, I could choose some generic ‘gift basket’ or the ultimate in
impersonal & my arse is glued to the chair, a gift card.
I would rather spend my
time between Labor Day and Nov 1 addressing (by hand) Christmas Cards. I then
want to start planning what needs to be made. The last three weeks are intense.
But the looks on the faces of people who eat a REAL marshmallow for the first
time in their lives makes it all worthwhile.
Alan Bean, Apollo 12
Astronaut, 4th man to walk on the moon, and an accomplished artist,
made a comment once that has stuck with me. I was working on guests for a convention.
So, presuming upon our friendship, I asked if he would be interested. “Not
really,” he said, “But I’ll do it” I was SO excited, until he told me his
terms. Large speaker’s fee, first class travel, first class suite, meals
covered. We were too small a con to afford that. but I did ask, why is that. “Rani,
he said, :”That is the price I have set that is enough for me to stop thinking
about what’s important to ME and start thinking about what is important to
YOU.”
I’ll admit I was
disappointed but he makes a point. In the end, time is the ONLY gift we have.
We offer our time to an employer in order to use the record of that time to
provide for our families.
Love is not money, love
is time. No matter how much money you have, the greatest material gift is one
you spent time to make just right. Whether it is a cake or batch of cookies or
marshmallows.
Love is service. When I
love someone, I offer them my time. I hope it is good enough to deserve their
love in return.
Remember, Cooking is a sacred endeavor ~ ~ ~ Rani
